


Beautiful contradictions

by Thesilentone



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 09:26:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11399733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thesilentone/pseuds/Thesilentone
Summary: He is everything.He is nothing.I am nothing.I am everything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> >_<
> 
> I've been gone for a while.......... 
> 
> I am still here and kicking so..... HI AGAIN!!!!
> 
> I haven't really decided whether or not I'm carrying on with 'wer'e each standing on our own mountain' yet. And the reason is me. 
> 
> That's also the reason I stepped away from here and writing in general. I had hyped up my own expectations and I thought that what I was writing was just above average and honestly? That's not healthy.  
> We all do this for fun and to expand this awesome fanbase but I inadvertently put too much pressure on myself. And that's not what we're all here for. 
> 
> I don't think my writing has got considerably better nor worse, it's so and so but I'm fine with that . I refuse to put myself on a pedestal or rank myself above or below others. I'm just going to be me. 
> 
> For those that don't or do know, I live in the UK, which has been attacked relentlessly over the past few weeks.
> 
> So I say this in regards to my new approach here and in general. 
> 
> We are OK as we are.  
> We didn't or don't need your input as to how we do and live.  
> We are fine as is. 
> 
> And...... That's enough of the feels. I think i may have depressed myself... Oops. 
> 
> Anyway, this is something entirely new to me, it'll probably get updates but I don't know really when they'll be.  
> There really isn't a plot of any kind, just random things that I think would suit our pair. 
> 
> BTW, the latest chapter came out and I have an idea as to what kind of messages Aki may have left for the M.I.A Asami. I may have to write that up and post it..... 
> 
> Anyway for now, my self imposed exile here has somewhat been relinquished so enjoy this completely useless idea that begged me to put down. 
> 
> Enjoy, review if you want but most of all, just have fun. 
> 
> Thanks again. 
> 
> Thesilentone. 
> 
> ^_^

Beautiful contradictions. 

Full disclaimer applies. I don't own the ‘finder' series, it's world or its characters, nor do I intend to profit from them. All rights belong to Ayano Yamane. 

(So, please don't sue me.)

 

I seek glory in battle, but I never wage wars. 

I see the beauty in life, but am ruthless enough to kill. 

I know of no Gods or deities, but I pray for the souls of those that cross me. 

I know only of heaven when I'm sated, but hell will find me sooner or later. 

I have more than enough money to retire on, but I could spend it all within a month. Maybe even two. 

I grow tired of the countless faces and names that are eager to please me, and yet I yearn for someone to do so. 

I stand with my knees drenched in blood and sin, and yet my own being is that of a saint, patient and calm. 

I know pain and love. Joy and sadness.  
They matter little and yet, it's everything. 

I am a contradiction of everything and nothing. I know the past and yet can't predetermine the future. 

I have the means to escape and yet, I am somewhat content in this prison of my own making. 

 

I can make saints into sinners and I have no need of any one of those. 

 

I have the city in my hands and yet it's still too small. 

I want the world and the universe but I wouldn't know what to do with either one or the other. 

I have the best at my side but still the worst will follow. 

The days, months and years past me by but I know that I still have plenty of time. 

I make my choices and I accept the consequences. 

I lose little to no sleep but I still feel tired when the dawn breaks. 

I make no excuses for my actions, behavior, attitude or decisions. But I'm humble enough to apologise if needed. 

I stand a lord among my men, but I see myself as nothing of the sort. 

I am worshipped by many and yet I feel small and inadequate to only one. 

I have the purest of souls in my bed and I still feel as if my very presence taints him. 

I can make him smile while at the drop of a hat, I can make him shed enough tears to create a lake. 

His screams are melodies to my enemies yet to me, they're the sweetest of sounds ever created by man. 

His name and being are sacred and yet it should be worshipped by the masses.  
I swore that I was the only one to break him. To mold him to how I see fit. But, I wouldn't want him to lose his will, his spirit. The one thing that makes him, him. 

I would chase him to the end of the abyss and yet, I would never let the abyss corrupt him. 

If asked of me, I would die for him. But never would I be the cause of death. 

My name is known far and wide and yet, people walk past me without even knowing whose shoulders they brushed past. 

I have no time for second guesses or regrets. But there is one thing I wished. 

I wished I could tell him, just once. 

 

He was worth it. 

He always was…….


	2. I don't know what or how to say this....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry. But the person you are trying to call cannot be reached."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this done sooner than expected..  
> This might be a new record for me!! 
> 
> Anyway, these will be drabbles, nothing interconnected and nothing too special. I find it easier to right from the first person, it feels natural but I will still tell a story. 
> 
> I mentioned this in the first part, but the new chapter or update came out and I don't want to spoil it...... But I had my own take on what Akihito may say to Asami so I decided to do so. 
> 
> It's loose, it's all over the place and it probably won't make sense but hey, I like it. Also, as it doesn't say, not that I'm aware of, how long it's been since the attack at Asami's place, i'm taking advantage of that.. I regret nothing... 
> 
> Also, I am not sure about other phone settings around the world, but this is the standard message for the ones here in the UK. 
> 
> I have also wrote another drabble, that'll go up tomorrow. 
> 
> Thanks again for your comments and kudos, I have always said this fandom is the best, i'm glad I'm not proving myself wrong... 
> 
> Enjoy. 
> 
> ^_^

I don't know what or how to say this… 

 

Full disclaimer applies. I don't own the ‘finder' series, it's world or its characters, nor do I intend to profit from them. All rights belong to Ayano Yamane. 

(So, please don't sue me.)

 

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”

William Shakespeare. 

 

Day 1.

I‘m sorry. But the person you are trying to call cannot be reached. Please leave a message after the beep. To re-record key # at any time.’

 

“Again? Really? You have an army to chase me and everyone and yet you can't even pick up the damn phone?!!!”

 

 

Day 2.

‘I‘m sorry but the person you are trying to call cannot be reached. Please leave a message after the beep. To re-record key # at any time.’

 

“It's the second time I've tried to get hold of you. Of course you would know that, right? Anyway when you can, call me. Please?”

 

 

Day 3.

I‘m sorry but the person you are trying to call cannot be reached. Please leave a message after the beep. To re-record key # at any time.’

 

“You know? Your building looks a hell of alot better with scaffolding. There is even a bet that the locals delinquents can scale the damn thing with no safety equipment. I bet I could take a great selfie hanging off the very top of the structure. Do you dare me to?  
If you do, you and everyone you know and who works for you will have a picture of me being an utter idiot and you will only have yourself to blame for the lack of security to your own property. Well, you asked for it!!”

 

Day 4.

‘I‘m sorry but the person you are trying to call cannot be reached. Please leave a message after the beep. To re-record key # at any time.’

 

“You know? It's a lot higher than I actually anticipated it would be. I think it maybe just as far down as the time we first met. Remember? We were both on the roof and I jumped. Man, the looks on yours and your men's faces!! I wished I taken a photo of that day…. I know you have a ton of work to do but still, call or even text me. Hell even a simple ‘What do you want brat?’ email would suffice.”

 

Day 5.

‘I‘m sorry but the person you are trying to call cannot be reached. Please leave a message after the beep. To re-record key # at any time.’

 

“It's coming up to a week now. I'm actually leaving for a retreat of some kind so this will probably be the last message I'll save for you. Honestly, I wasn't even expecting to even record and save these things. I don't even know what I'm going to do with these anymore. I don't know why I did this in the first place. I'm intentionally using a different phone for this very purpose, although it did cost me a pretty penny to get it. So anyway. See ya, I guess.”

 

Day 25.

‘I‘m sorry but the person you are trying to call cannot be reached. Please leave a message after the beep. To re-record key # at any time.’

 

“So I caught wind of something. Apparently someone was behind the attack on your apartment that day. He's dead by the way. Which you would know if you were even here. Or at least, you would've told me. I think…..  
Maybe I thought that…. Yeah, that's probably it…..”

 

Day 30.

‘I‘m sorry but the person you are trying to call cannot be reached. Please leave a message after the beep. To re-record key # at any time.’

 

“I stupidly realised something. You may have changed your number some time ago huh? So that means all of these messages would be pretty redundant then. I would like to believe that you would have told me. At least I hoped that. Anyway… Erm hold on, got a message. I'll call you back. Maybe.”

 

Day 35. 

‘I‘m sorry but the person you are trying to call cannot be reached. Please leave a message after the beep. To re-record key # at any time.’

 

“So. Feilong has been asking for me. Turns out I was correct and you aren't here, you are somewhere else. And you couldn't even tell me. Although I can see why, it's not as if you have to answer to me or anyone for that matter. But you demand that I do. How is that even remotely fair Asami?.... What's the use, i'm never gonna get a straight answer from you anyway. I er, i'm going to give this card of my messages to him. He says he is going to contact you so we'll see won't we? Whatever you want to do with these is up to you. Listen to them or delete them. I don't really care anymore. I just wished I could tell you this to your face. 

Your a piece of work Asami.  
But I wouldn't have you any other way. 

Take care……  
Maybe we'll see each other again, someday…………..”


	3. I have never felt like this before...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just need this moment....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy folks!!
> 
> Thanks for all your comments, I will get around to responding to each one shortly. 
> 
> I had this written yesterday but I was too tired to post until today. 
> 
> I have some ideas for the next drabble but we'll see where my mood takes me. 
> 
> Here's another from Akihito's pov. I'll do another from Asami soon. Also, there is mild strong language ahead, fair warning in case I inadvertently offend someone. My apologies in advance. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy and thanks again!!
> 
> ^_^

I have never felt like this before….. 

 

Full disclaimer applies. I don't own the ‘finder' series, it's world or its characters, nor do I intend to profit from them. All rights belong to Ayano Yamane. 

(So, please don't sue me.)

 

‘I have learnt that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words.’

Anna Hood. 

 

Another one done and dusted. 

Another story of a sleazy man who should've kept it in his pants and away from the public eye. 

Another grovelling big shot hitting all the airwaves and pleading with the missus back home to forgive him and his ‘transgressions’. But she will, because she loved him and will always do. Even when her self respect went out the same window around the time her oh so faithful husband took another to his bed. Even when time and time again, herself, her feelings, her heart and her pride were used as his welcome mat. 

Like I said, another one done and dusted. 

 

And here comes another payment for services well done. 

That little number will feed me and keep a roof over my head for a month. Two by the way my editor is running his mouth of about a big editor by-line and reruns of this poor woman's misery. 

 

You know, I never was like this before. I prided myself to always dig out what people buried. To uncover what goes on when those who think they are better than the rest of us try and keep secret. 

Now there is nothing but this deep hollowing pit in my stomach. 

I am literally getting paid on the back of some sob story about a man who couldn't give two shits about his vows he said to his wife of twenty years. 

And therein lies the crux of the problem. I'm literally being paid off the backs of the unwilling victims.  
They have no say on the article, and they sure as hell never wanted this flushed out to the unforgiven masses who would not hesitate to call the woman out as a weak spirited, boneless, naivè and too innocent for her own good to allow the rat back into her life, heart and her bed again. 

But they never focus on the fact that she is dependent on the same man to help with raising two kids. To help her deal with the bills and financial burdens. On the help around the house when she's too physically and emotionally tired from working two jobs just to make ends meet and keep food on the table for the little ones. 

She'll never get to tell her side of the story. Not when the man in question is who she'll give everything up for just to make sure that what she worked so damn hard on doesn't crumble overnight. 

The news should be about her, but it'll never will be. 

I sit here for God knows how long, the rain just pelting away on the rooftops and the people who desperately want to get home and dry. 

I sit and allow the cold water to make its way down my top, allow it to soak my hair and let it stick to my skin. I sit and wonder, why do I even bother with any of it anymore?....

What's the point when come a few weeks down the line, the spotlight will be on someone else, something else and that same woman will be doing what she's always done before shit hit the fan. 

And since when did I start to feel like this? This, this need to scratch and claw at my own conscious and values? To see that behind me stepping all over the poor sobs that found themselves in my viewfinder, I am one of those people who have to scrape by. That i'm one of those who never once looked down upon those who made a few mistakes in their lives. 

I am just like that woman.  
I'm making the best out of a bad situation and I'm trying not to let it show that i'm breaking underneath it all.  
But sooner or later something will, it always does. 

I sigh, jump down from my lofty perch on some run down house and walk back home, feeling every squelch as my waterlogged sneakers take me to my destination. Perhaps I should've avoided that puddle back there…. 

Entering the elevator, I take a quick look at myself among the mirrors aligning the wall.  
I really am the definition of a drowned rat at this precise moment and chances are I'll probably catch a cold. Maybe even the flu. 

Oh, joy of joys. 

I cringed both internally and externally as I push my hand into my pocket, forgetting I had tissue in there which is now lovingly covering my hand in a congealed mess, not quite completely soaked but it sure doesn't resemble a piece of tissue anymore. 

That's gonna be fun to clean up… 

Putting my key into the lock, i'm not surprised when I see him just standing there watching the streets.  
I can picture it now, his face completely void of anything. It's just staring into thin air. 

Taking off my now ruined shoes, well until they're dried out, I take off my socks, hang them up as I go by and I stand right by his side. Not directly touching him, because heaven forbid I get him wet and I just stare out too. 

I am taken aback when I feel his suit jacket covering my now shaky figure and I know what I'll see if when I get brave enough to look at him. 

I see an impassive face looking at me. There is absolutely nothing in his expression. No concern about the fact that I will catch my death if I don't get out of my clothes asap. There is no sign of annoyance as I'm slowly but surely creating my own little puddle. He's just looking at me. 

And then he's throwing away his now ruined cigarette in the nearest ashtray and and he's soon engulfing me in the warmest hug I've ever known. 

But he still says nothing. 

But that's fine by me. 

I don't want him to anyway. 

I know what words can do. 

I know what kind of picture that'll paint to those who care. 

I know the damage caused. 

I just want the silence. And this. This hug. That's all…….


	4. I stand between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know what path I'm taking.  
> I always knew.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello... Again 
> 
> I actually got this done sooner than expected, that's what happens when you are hot, irritable and bored. You torture your muse until she relents and voila, another drabble done and dusted. 
> 
> There is a quote in here which comes from a British artist called JP Cooper, lovely singer and it's featured in his video for his song which is called 'september song'. Try and find it, it's definitely worth a listen. 
> 
> Anyway, here's another one for today. I'll probably get more ideas later, maybe even add different characters. Who knows. 
> 
> I'm going to get cracking and respond to my lovely comments now.  
> So enjoy and thanks again. 
> 
> Oh and PS.  
> All rights reserved for JP Cooper. So please don't sue me.... 
> 
> >_<

I stand between. 

Full disclaimer applies. I don't own the ‘finder' series, it's world or its characters, nor do I intend to profit from them. All rights belong to Ayano Yamane. 

(So, please don't sue me.)

 

‘Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another.’

Juvenal. 

 

I look down at the man I ordered to be broken. 

I know what he's done, knew that he would of carried on if we didn't intervene. 

I know that if push came to shove, I would of hit first. So why….. 

Why do I feel as if I had robbed this kid of a future that would've contained so much promise?......

I know why, I know because of the way he looked at us. The way he glared at me during his final beatings and torture. 

It's because of him. The one at home who's waiting for me to come back. 

I'm not an idiot, I know that he would report back to his handler and tell them about what he found out when he had the balls to break into one of my offshore accounts. This wasn't merely a prank gone too far, this was an act of intimidating and war. This was a message to me. 

 

And yet, as I watched the man drew in a few deep breaths through his punctured lung, he reminded me of something else. Someone else….. 

 

He reminded me of myself…. 

Back when I knew nothing more than what I gathered on my own. 

That you had to make your own luck, don't rely on the backs of others. Plant yourself down when others tell you to move. I knew when I met my future secretary and head guard that they would follow and obey without question or disobedience. I had their lives and futures in my palms and they had the resources and information to do what I asked of them. 

This now dead kid reminded me of a time when I thought some civil chat would help. I really was a dumb kid….. 

 

Until I got up, studied hard, earned degree after degree and vowed to myself that I would never be in that position ever again. I never looked back at where I once was and yet, I never forgot how I got there. 

 

I remember looking at some spray can graffiti and remembered what it once said. 

‘be realistic, plan for a miracle.’

Turning away as my men clean up the mess made, I wonder if he would of turned out differently if I was the one who found him instead. If he wasn't pushed into hard drugs, if he had someone who cared just enough to get him clean so that he could have helped his handler ride bigger waves. 

I nor he will ever know now.  
In less than twenty four hours, his boss, his underlings and the remainder of this little joke will be wiped out from existence. 

And then I hear his body hitting the ground of his burial site and I'm reminded of him. The one back at home. 

They're a lot alike in some respects than others. Both too stubborn for their own good. Both too set in their ways to change. Both too young to get caught up in the darkness without being unaffected by it all…. 

There's always the age old argument of what makes someone unique. 

It's nature versus nurture. 

Me personally, I never did think about that. I had a problem, I studied and now I'm at the top. And yet, I have the deepest respect for those who didn't have the knowhow as I gave myself. 

I will never know how the story of that man came to be. 

I know it's ending as I partook and helped it come to be. 

But then again, I wish I could've seen it from the start. 

 

My phone vibrates signalling an incoming call. I smile as I see the caller ID and and smirk as I answer. 

Maybe I'll never know what caused his downfall. 

But I do know what will happen tonight….


End file.
